


Because I Love You More Than I Can Say

by ribbons



Category: FAKE (Manga), Haru wo Daiteita (Embracing Love)
Genre: Crossover, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2008-09-01
Updated: 2008-09-07
Packaged: 2017-10-04 10:13:21
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,860
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28812
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ribbons/pseuds/ribbons
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After so many years, things still aren't simple for our guys.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Fair to See

**Author's Note:**

> Warning: Light mention of some kinky stuff.
> 
> The title's from W.H. Auden's "[If I Could Tell You](http://www.poemhunter.com/poem/if-i-could-tell-you/)."

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sometimes a photograph is a mirror.

At his desk, Ryo spread out images from the previous night's hotel bombing. Looking over Ryo's shoulder, Dee let out a low whistle. "Spectacular."

Ryo murmured, "They're almost beautiful, the flames. But what a mess--"

"I didn't mean that," Dee interrupted. He lightly pressed a fingertip against a snapshot of a blond Japanese man and a dark-haired one locked in a fervent kiss. "Not a sight you see every day-- not even in New York."

"No," Ryo whispered. He gazed at the two men-- the soot on their clothes, their hands buried in each other's hair-- "Spectacular," he agreed.


	2. Because I Love You More Than I Can Say

By the time Dee and Ryo arrested the serial bomber, they had become friends with Iwaki and Katou. One of the assistant directors of Iwaki and Katou's current film had repeatedly hit on Iwaki and then attempted to kiss Ryo; Katou had insisted on buying Dee a drink after hearing Dee's threats to rearrange the AD's anatomy, and Iwaki and Ryo had commiserated with each other over keeping their partners out of trouble.

The similarity of the two couples did not go unnoticed by other observers. One afternoon, Commissioner Rose stopped at Ryo's office and demanded, "What is it about hotheaded fools that guys like you can't resist?"

Instead of answering immediately, Ryo gazed back at the commissioner: sometimes he wondered how he ever could have thought that Berkeley and Dee were alike. And yet, the way the commissioner was glaring at him, radiating impatience and frustrated desire--

"It's a mystery even to you, isn't it," Rose growled. He spun on his heel and stalked away.

Ten seconds later, Dee entered the office with an expression of unbridled glee. "Dude, what did you say to Rose just now, and can I frame it? If looks could kill, I'd be spattered all over the hallway."

"Nothing," Ryo answered. "I swear I didn't say a thing."

 

* * *

 

As Ryo and Katou concentrated on preparing supper, Iwaki watched Dee watching them. Even though he had now shared a house with Katou for over a decade, he still didn't think of himself as a gay man, and it disturbed him to realize that he found Dee attractive. It didn't make sense to him -- Dee was loud and messy and rude, and while he was indeed handsome as a Greek god, that was true of the many A- and B-list actors Iwaki had been cast with over the years, and none of _them_ had captured his interest.

And if _he_ himself realized that he was fascinated by Dee, it _had_ to be obvious to Katou. But Katou had not displayed any jealousy whatsoever, so far -- Katou was calmly and expertly demonstrating to Ryo how to whittle radishes into flowers and not looking at Iwaki at all. _The old Katou would have been practically all over me, making sure that_ everyone_ understood that I was his._ A sudden chill gripped Iwaki's heart: _Does the new Katou not care? Do I not matter enough for him to become jealous anymore--_ "Ow!"

Iwaki glared at Katou, rubbing his nose where a radish had bounced off of it. "What was that for, you hoodlum? I was minding my own business!"

Katou grinned at his lover. "It must be very serious business on your mind, for you to keep ignoring Laytner-san's question! He wants to know if you want another beer or not!"

"Oh. Ah, sorry. Yes, please." Iwaki bent down to pick up the radish, his face flushed. _Wait. Dee was speaking to me and I didn't even hear him... because I was concentrating so much on Katou..._

When he straightened back up, Dee was holding a can of beer out to him, an odd expression on his face. Still staring at Iwaki, Dee said to Katou, "Youji, I bet your Kyosuke is as much of an airhead as my Ryo. Am I right?"

Ryo and Iwaki protested, "Hey--!" in identical tones of outrage. Katou glanced at them both and then bestowed on Dee an understanding smirk. "You have no idea how right you are."

* * *

 

After supper -- served without radishes, as even Ryo had succumbed to the urge to pelt them at Dee and Katou -- Dee climbed out onto the fire escape to smoke, and Katou joined him to enjoy the fresh air. Their colorful comments on the pickup game of ball down the street drifted back through the window as Iwaki and Ryo cleared off the dining table, setting aside the items that needed to be hand-washed.

"D'OH!" Dee and Katou's hoots of laughter told Ryo that someone in the game had screwed up a move big-time: Ryo had heard similar noises from Dee countless times during Bikky's high-school basketball games. Ryo suspected that his expression matched Iwaki's; the other man had turned back to their task with a fond smile on his face.

"Why don't you go out there and join them?" Ryo suggested. "You're the guest -- I shouldn't even be letting you help with these."

"Don't be stupid," Iwaki said. "If I wanted to be waited on, we would have gone to a restaurant." He reached for a sponge. "Is this one okay to use on knives?" When Ryo nodded, Iwaki dunked it into the sink of soapy water, and then picked up the blade Katou had used on the radishes.

Ryo leaned against the counter, waiting until Iwaki was done with the knife. "Something the matter?" he quietly asked. "I'll admit I'm sometimes clueless," he said, throwing a dark look at the window, "but it's often because I have too much on my mind."

Iwaki carefully handed the knife to Ryo to dry. "Do you ever wish," he said, "that you could be as blunt as those two are? To do the right things without having to think so much about them?"

Ryo frowned at the knife as he pondered Iwaki's question. "Sometimes, yeah," he finally said. "It's definitely part of their charisma. But... I wouldn't like being so wrong so often, and that's definitely part of them too." He held the knife up to his eyes, inspecting it for spots. "I mostly wish I was that way when it comes to Dee," he confessed. "He had to wait a long time, because I couldn't believe that what I felt for him could be something right. Not after thinking for so long that it was wrong."

Iwaki rinsed a glass storage jar. "I wonder what he is waiting for now?"

"Beg pardon?" Ryo looked confused.

Iwaki didn't look up from the jar. "When he looks at you -- when he thinks no one else is looking -- he looks like a starving man." He held up a hand as Ryo sputtered incredulously. "Please. I'm not saying that to insult you. If he's anything like Katou, he probably wants sex ten times as often as you. _I_ don't have that kind of energy either."

Ryo had turned bright pink, and he remained silent until he had finished drying the jar. He placed it back into its cabinet with steady hands, but his voice shook as he asked, "So. What is it that you think I ought to be doing?"

"I can't tell you what to do," Iwaki said, "but I can tell you this: your Dee reminds me of the time Katou told me he wanted me to want him more."

* * *

 

The instant the hotel room door closed behind them, Katou yanked Iwaki into a long, searing kiss. It went on, and on, and on, and by the time they surfaced for air, neither man had any thought in his head beyond tearing off his partner's clothes and consuming each other. Katou's mouth hungrily traveled over Iwaki's belly, hips, and thighs before closing over Iwaki's cock; Iwaki's hands possessively stroked Katou's skin as they spread Katou's legs apart, Katou panting with pleasure as Iwaki's fingers began to stretch him. Iwaki continued thrusting his fingers as he commanded Katou to stop, and the whimpers that escaped from his lover -- "Iwaki-san -- already so close -- Iwaki-san, let me do something, anything, I could come from this a-- ahhh-- aaaaaaaaahhhh!" -- Iwaki smiled to himself as he withdrew his fingers and plunged his cock into Katou. He clamped his hand around the base of the younger man's penis, keeping Katou's orgasm at bay while he savored Katou's increasingly frenzied writhing beneath him: it was only as he neared his own climax that he released his grip, allowing his hand to slide up and down Katou's cock as his body drove them both into a sweet, hot bliss -- one so familiar to them, and yet so overwhelming every time they experienced it.

When Iwaki opened his eyes again, he saw that Katou had a quizzical smile on his face. Iwaki reached up to caress Katou's cheek. "What is it?"

Katou pressed a kiss against Iwaki's fingers. "Would it kill the mood if I told you I was jealous? I was tempted to push Dee off the fire escape when I had the chance."

Iwaki pressed his fingers back against Katou's lips. "You know that you have nothing to worry about."

Katou nipped at a finger. "You know it has nothing to do with what I know."

Iwaki rolled on top of Katou, slanting his mouth over the younger man's. After another extended kiss, he gently said, "I know that you didn't push Dee off the fire escape."

Katou's smile was thin. "You do realize I've been watching you watch him? It's been a new face of Iwaki-san for me to learn." His smile widened, however, as he pulled Iwaki's head back down to his. "Iwaki-san isn't truly attracted to Dee, is my opinion. You're attracted to the way he looks at Ryo."

Iwaki stared at Katou, dumbstruck. Then he slumped against his lover's chest.

"Iwaki-san? I didn't say that to embarrass you." Katou stroked Iwaki's hair in a soothing motion.

"It's embarrassing anyway," Iwaki muttered. "_I_ know I'm self-centered, but it's shameful to be so obvious."

Katou slid his palm under Iwaki's chin, forcing his lover to look up at him. "It's obvious only to me -- and it's all good, ne? I can't help wanting you as much as I do, so that you want me to want you that much, that's perfect."

Iwaki drew back and sat up. "So you aren't worried that I don't want you enough?"

"The way you made love to me just now --" Katou caught his breath as Iwaki began to trace circles around one of his nipples. "_You_ can't help wanting me either, isn't that true?"

Iwaki's tone was wry. "If I could have stopped how I felt at all, would we even be here?"

"I rest my case." Katou pushed himself up to kiss Iwaki, and then grinned. "So, back in the kitchen -- what were you and Ryo talking about?"

* * *

 

Ryo had intended to shut his eyes only for a few minutes. When he opened them again, however, the grogginess weighing down his limbs told him that he'd dozed off for far longer, and someone had dimmed the lights in the room. With an effort, he lifted his wrist to check his watch.

"3 a.m.? Good lord. Dee..." He turned his head; his partner was sitting on the floor, chin on his knees, watching him. "Why didn't you wake me up? We should've gone to bed hours ago."

"We've been so damn busy lately," Dee softly said. "It's been a long time since I've simply watched you sleep."

"Isn't that because you get so bored, you wake me up to have sex?" Ryo teased. His smile faded, however, as Dee's expression remained wistful.

"You still have no idea, do you? Even after all these years..." Dee made no move to touch Ryo, but his voice was husky with yearning. "No idea how much..."

Ryo rolled himself off the sofa, kneeling right next to Dee. He took Dee's face between his hands, but before he could speak, Dee shook his head. "I didn't say that to guilt you into sex, Ryo. I just -- God, you're so beautiful, and sometimes I'm so afraid --"

Ryo pressed his mouth against Dee's, swallowing whatever nonsense Dee had intended to finish the sentence with. When they emerged from the kiss, Dee looked stunned, but his hands were clutching Ryo's arms so hard that Ryo dimly sensed they were leaving marks on him. But Ryo wasn't concerned about that, not at the moment; he gazed directly into his lover's deep green eyes, remembering his long-ago fears of Dee seeing completely to the core of his being. Those fears seemed so childish now -- especially in light of the conversation he'd had with Iwaki earlier that evening.

"Dee," Ryo whispered, "_you_ have no idea how much I love you, do you."

Dee flapped a hand in frustration. "I know it's not your style to say that sort of thing--"

Ryo caught Dee's hand, lifted it up to his lips, and then squeezed it. "Saying how I feel? Not so much. Old habits never totally die, I guess." He placed both his hands on Dee's shoulders and pushed, leaning forward so that they both ended up sprawled on the floor, Ryo on top of Dee. "I should try to show you, though. I don't ever want you to think I take you for granted."

Dee's eyes were sparkling with surprise and arousal. "You don't, eh? And how will you convince me of that, my Ryo?"

Ryo began to unbuckle Dee's belt. His own eyes were alight with anticipation, although his voice slightly trembled as he said, "A man of experience told me I should make sure you know what it's like to be made love to."

"What it's like to-- Ryo, it's late, I'm dumb, and I'm not sure you'd be making sense even if I wasn't. We've made love hundreds of times, dolt. I don't feel _un_-loved--"

"I should hope not," Ryo said, pulling at Dee's jeans. "Considering how often I'm stuck covering for you--" He chuckled as Dee ineffectually tried to knee him, a move thwarted by the jeans Ryo hadn't completely freed him from. "Keep that up and I'll leave you like this."

Dee pretended to pout. "That was mean. _You're_ mean." His left leg clear of the jeans, he hooked his foot around Ryo's waist. "Ryo, seriously. I do know that you love me. I couldn't stand this if you didn't. Not when I love you more than--"

"Hush," Ryo ordered. "You talk a good game, but I've got some convincing to get on with." As he pinned Dee's wrists to the floor, he caught a flare of delight in his lover's eyes. "Make that a _lot_ of convincing."

"Mm, mm, mm," Dee happily hummed. "I love me a man with convincin' on his mind."

"I'm told some people take a lot of it," Ryo drawled, nuzzling Dee's neck. He released a wrist and stretched his arm down to Dee's groin, his hand boldly squeezing and stroking its way to Dee's entrance. Dee hissed in pleasure as Ryo's index finger pushed inside, and his smile grew even broader as he beheld Ryo's focus on gauging his reaction.

_All that lovely intensity -- all that sexy concentration -- all for **me**!_ "I want it all," he rasped out. "Everything you're willing to give, I can take."

Ryo withdrew his finger and curled his hand into a fist, rubbing a knuckle against Dee's hole. "Everything?" he murmured.

Dee moaned, his own hands clawing the floor. "Every. Last. Goddamn. Thing. _Ryooooo..._"

"Up we go," Ryo said. He wrapped his arms around Dee, hauling himself and the other man up to their feet. "Bedroom time."

"Can we actually make it there?" Dee panted. "How about you just grab some of that sesame oil--"

Ryo gave his partner a withering look. "And have to clean it off the floor in the morning?"

"Oh, God, you would say that. At least now I know you're still Ryo. No self-respecting bodysnatcher would be caught dead saying a line like that."

Ryo thumped his hip against Dee's. "A self-respecting bodysnatcher wouldn't bother cuffing you to the bed before having his way with you."

"You--" Dee gurgled. "What are we doing still out here?"

Ryo stopped in his tracks. Dee groaned, panic rushing into his voice. "Ryo, did I just say something wrong? Please, please, _please_ don't tell me you're having second thoughts now."

"No, no second thoughts." Ryo took Dee's face between his hands. "Just-- do you really, truly have any idea..." He captured Dee's mouth with his, pouring into the kiss all the desire, all the fear, all the _love_ he could command to the moment.

When Ryo released his lips, Dee stared at him, dazed. Ryo pressed his forehead against Dee's. "Sometimes I'm so afraid of what I could do to you."

Dee gripped Ryo's arms, the astonishment on his face giving way to giddiness. "Show me, Ryo. No holding back -- I want _everything_."

"'Everything'? That's going to require more than a night," Ryo warned, smiling.

"Even better," Dee said. "I've wanted more of you wanting me."

"That, I can give you," Ryo answered, and he pulled Dee into another kiss.


End file.
